The Question

“I’ve been hurt before but this feels like death.  Like I lost a loved one and I am in love with him.  And I don’t understand why he hurts me.” Emailer

 The other day I was driving and an old song by George Benson came on the radio, Turn Your Love Around.  The part that caught my attention said, “You’ve got the love, you’ve got the power, but you just don’t understand.  Girl, you’ve been charging by the hour for your love.”

Many women, do not understand that we as women, truly have the power and when you do not understand how powerful your love is, you will do just as the song says, “charge by the hour.”

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Well Patricia, what exactly does charging by the hour mean?  Well, to me, it means you don’t know who you are as a woman which keeps you in a relationship with a man who doesn’t know either.

As a woman, it is your duty of love to know who you are. To know what you will and will not tolerate so you will not end up in a relationship longing for a man to reciprocate the kind of love you’re giving him.

I know what it feels like to be in a relationship where a man disrespects your feelings, treats you like less than the woman you are, cheats on you, lies to you, and then turns around and tells you he loves you.

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The Assignment

I learned how to let go of someone I loved and it worked in my favor and I want to share three tips with you today.

These are three powerful steps I share with my clients to start them moving in the right direction of letting go of someone they love, even when it hurts.

#1 – Acknowledge What’s Going On

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I had to get honest with the woman in the mirror and start doing the work of acknowledging what was going in that toxic dating relationship and see why I allowed it to happen.  Believe it or not, there was something I was not seeing and it was not until I got clear about what I wanted in a relationship that I started seeing what I did not like in him and myself.

My Old Way of Thinking

I lost myself in someone who didn’t know who he was, where he was going in life, or what he wanted out of it. I THOUGHT I needed a man to validate my worth but that was up to me.

My New Way of Thinking

Instead of blaming him for what happened, I had to get honest with myself and find out why I kept doing what I was doing, and how even when my soul was saying NO, my body was saying YES!

Dig Deep: It takes a real woman to look in the mirror and identify what’s working for her and what’s not and then make some changes!

#2 – Identify The Part You Played In The Breakup

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One of the most difficult tasks for a person with a broken heart or a negative self-image is admitting they played a part in what they allowed to happen in their life.  You can’t control what happened in your past because it already happened, but you can learn from the decisions you made and prevent it from happening over and over again.

My Old Way of Thinking

I didn’t know my worth so how could I expect someone else to know it?  I THOUGHT sex was the key to every good relationship, but it’s not.  Now what?

My New Way of Thinking

On a sheet of paper, I listed every good quality I possessed that made me the person I am.  Then I listed qualities in myself I didn’t like and I started challenging myself to become a different type of woman.

Dig Deep: When I started working on myself, I started becoming confident in the woman in the mirror and I soon learned how to tell who wanted my body parts versus who wanted my heart.

#3 – Recognize Who You Are

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One of the reasons I stayed in that ungodly dating relationship so long was because I didn’t know who I was as a woman.  I didn’t know my worth and therefore I left it up to him to tell me.  I gave him too much power over me.  When I left that relationship, I left feeling hopeless, ashamed, embarrassed, and rejected.

And those are feelings you should never feel when someone loves you. Once again, I had to be honest with myself because transparency brings transformation.  I didn’t want to be in another ungodly relationship so I did the work and a year later, my husband came along.

My Old Way of Thinking

I was choosing HIM over ME.  It was always about what he wanted out of the relationship and not about what I needed.  I was allowing a man to choose me which made me feel like I had won a prize when he chose me. I was choosing a man based on fleshly qualities and there was no real connection, no direction, no progression and the relationship withered like dead grass.

My New Way of Thinking

Mentally – Does he arouse my intellect? Spiritually – Does he have a plan for his life and does that plan include me? Psychologically – Does he play mind games or is he truthful with me and himself? Emotionally – Does he show concern about my emotional well-being? Physically – Sex is not an reward for good behavior

Dig Deep: It took time for me to become the woman I wanted to be.  It didn’t happen overnight.  I failed a few times even after walking out of that toxic dating relationship, but I was determined to do it God’s way the next time.

Watch the video as I walk you through an exercise, ‘The Magnifying Glass’

If you’re not facing the reality of what’s really going on in your life, take a moment to truly listen and see.  Without judgment, even if it’s only for a few moments.  Admit what’s happening around you.  Quiet the voices that tell you whose fault it is.  Don’t make excuses and don’t blame anyone else.

The purpose of this exercise is to empower you to take a look at the person in the mirror and identify the role you played in the decisions you made. 

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Get the Tools You Need to Build Your Dating Confidence And Manifest The Love You Desire!

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