“You prayed for a job. You prepared for the job by searching the Internet to find out what the company does, but you didn’t stop there. You went on to position yourself to be the best candidate by researching some possible questions they might ask you and recording yourself confidently answering them. All the preparation you put into landing that job paid off, and now you’re gainfully employed. Now, if you’re willing to do all that to get a job, doesn’t it make sense to put the same amount of effort or more into preparing for marriage?” Positioned for Purpose, When Boaz Calls
According to BYU psychology professor Scott Braithwaite, “people who are planning to marry need to go into it with some kind of education.” And he stated, “the most robust indicator of whether a couple will divorce is how they handle conflict. Although conflict is normal and provides opportunities for a couple to grow, premarital counseling can help prevent couples from establishing negative patterns of managing conflict in their relationship.” Premarital Counseling Can Decrease Divorce Rates
You made it to the fourth rest stop—I’m glad about it. Now, let’s keep going. I was going to use the word “counsel,” but there are so many men for whatever reason who believe they do not need counseling. So, I decided to say “coaching” because they can relate better to the word especially since their favorite sports team has a coach.
What is the purpose of a coach? Most often, a coach has more experience and expertise than the other party and offers advice and guidance as the coachee learns.
During the first seven years of my marriage, I had a coach. At that time, they were not called coaches, they were called mentors. Every successful relationship needs an experienced coach. Just like every professional sports team has a coach, every couple who desires longevity in their relationship needs a coach.
Someone who is winning in marriage and someone who wants you to win as well. A coach can see what you can’t and help you avoid the roadblocks that destroy a marriage. A coach can help you when your communication has gone south. Showing you how to effectively talk to each other instead of talking at each other. A coach can help you when another woman tries to interfere in your relationship. A coach can help you see the potholes in the road because they have an insight you don’t have.
As I previously stated, years ago, I had an issue with communicating with my husband. I wanted my way and my way only. When I didn’t think I was getting my way, I threw a grown folk’s tantrum and didn’t speak to my husband for days. Of course, I knew it was wrong, but I still did it.
Often as women, we are taught to be so strong, so much to the point that we don’t know how to be tender (soft or delicate in substance). I grew up in a house with a strong mother and little consistency of a strong father figure. Having grown up in a household with a strong mother made me strong or what I thought was a strong woman. I felt taking directions from a man was a sign of weakness, after all, my sometimes stubborn “will” would show up and show out. I would ask myself, “Why do I need to submit my “will” to his?” After all, I was grown just like he was.
I just couldn’t see the point of all this madness or what I thought was madness. It was madness because what I thought was strength was weakness. It takes more energy to put up a fight than it does to submit. Having a coach/mentor, taught me, “meekness is not weakness, it’s power under control.” I’ve carried that with me throughout my marriage and I’ve taught that principle to the women I’ve coached.
Having a coach taught me the importance of submission through prayer. She taught me, I can never take my husband down in the physical, but I can bring him to his knees every time and anytime through prayer. What a powerful lesson I learned. I learned to stop arguing with my husband years ago because I learned the power of prayer. Having a coach taught me to take everything to God in prayer: my husband, my relationship, and most importantly my “will!”
As women, many of us think having the last say makes us powerful, but it makes us pitiful. I had to learn if I wanted my relationship to work, I had to take all my battles to God and allow him to fight them. Yes, having a coach taught me how to war on my knees, and I’ve never lost a battle. It may not have gone how I wanted it to go, but I had peace. Peace in my heart and peace in my home. If you are fighting against your spouse and not with your spouse, then your mission will not be possible. Ask God to guide you to the right Coach so your relationship will be marvelous and not mediocre. Read this prayer in Psalm 25 and then continue the journey to mission possible.
As I mentioned earlier, I had a coach for seven years of my marriage. As a matter of fact, I had two coaches. Why? Because I didn’t have a positive example of what a successful relationship looked like in my home growing up so I knew if I wanted my relationship to last, I needed help from someone who walked the road I was on.
As a Certified Professional Relationship Coach, I don’t want your relationship to sizzle and then ultimately fizzle out. I want your relationship to sizzle and stand the tests of time. Believe it or not, many people think prayer is all you need to have a successful relationship, but that’s not true—you need prayer and a plan. As a Certified Professional Relationship Coach, I can most definitely give you a detailed plan to help you have the lasting love you desire. After all, you did get in it to win it, right?
Now that you understand how important having a coach is, someone who can see the potholes in the road and help you avoid them, your Coach mission is fully possible. The longevity of your relationship depends on it and your spouse is depending on it. Keep up the good work.
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Dr. Patricia Shaw, Master Relationship Coach
Helping women get clear about what they want, gain confidence to receive it, while staying committed to their values so they can succeed in life and love.