WHY I’M DIFFERENT As a Relationship Coach, I’ve been married to the same man for 29 years.  There are not many people who do what I do can say they’ve been married to the same person for 29 years so you know I have something to share with the women I work with.

Before I met and married my husband I was in an ungodly relationship with a man who I was not married too but doing what married people do.  That experience caused me to write my book Soul Ties, Unchain My Heart.  In this book I tell a story about a woman named Teresa and what she went through in the uncommitted relationship she was in.  In order for me to break free of that ungodly relationship I had to come to a place where I allowed death to come to that relationship.

As a Certified Professional Coach, I help women who are on the emotional dating roller coaster get off and join me on the cruise ship of love. This past weakened I had a discussion with some young women between the ages of 25 and 35 and I shared my story of how my husband and I met and after being in an ungodly relationship I told myself I was not going down that road again.

When you become committed to yourself you begin to weed out men who come to prey on you and not pray with you.  When you raise your standards and set the bar then you begin to attract a different type of man because you’ve become a different type of woman. I shared this with the young women I spoke to this weekend and we began talking about how broken mothers raise broken daughters.  What makes me so different from other relationship experts and coaches is I have been married to the same man for 29 years.

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Bridal showers, baby showers and birth control, these three things have one thing in common and that is the person’s mindset.  You can be the type of woman that says, “I’m not going to have a baby shower until I have a bridal shower.” I don’t know about you but I’m tired of going to baby showers and there is no bridal shower.  How and when can we reverse this thing to where we are going to bridal showers before we go to baby showers?

Why did I throw birth control in?  You don’t even have to be on birth control.  One of the young women in the group asked me why I didn’t move in with my husband before we got married.  I told her because I didn’t want to.  First of all, my mother would have had a fit and his mother too and not only that we respected each other. Steve Harvey says he tells his daughter’s they can give a man a glimpse of what he will get and that’s what I gave my husband, a glimpse of what he was getting after marriage.  I didn’t have to give him everything.  Do you understand?

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You can decide in your mind that I’m going to have a bridal shower before I have a baby shower.  Why commit to someone for 18 years that hasn’t even committed to you?  One of the young women in the discussion this weekend told me that a man told her if she had his child he would be committed to the baby. Please don’t fall for that.

If a man is not willing to commit to you with a ring then why would you commit to having his child? Baby shower and then the bridal shower maybe.  Let’s reverse this thing and start having bridal showers and then a baby shower, but that can only happen when you have birth control. Birth control allows you to birth your purpose before you allow someone else into your space.  I birthed some of my purpose before my husband came along so there was no need for birth control.  I had already experienced being in an uncommitted, ungodly relationship so why would I take myself through that again?

I’m the type of person who makes one mistake and I’m done.  I’m not the type of person that has to keep making the same mistake.  We’ve come to a place in life where some people continue to make the same mistakes.

The birth control is your mind.  Where is your thought process? You do not have to be part of the 44% of women who have a baby with a man before they get that ring.  You get the ding ding but not the ring ring. You’ve had the baby shower.  How do we get your mind to thinking, now, I’m ready for the bridal shower? Until the bridal shower comes I’m going to be my own birth control.  I’m going to reset my thinking so I can think the way God wants me to think.  Until you believe in your mind that you are fearfully and wonderfully made you will continue having baby showers and not a bridal shower.

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I’m telling you what I know, not what somebody told me.  You’ve got to become your own birth control.  Set the bar and if he thinks the bar is too high that he has to be a hurdle leaper to jump over it then he is not the one.  If he wants you to have his child but not give you his last name, he is not the one. I know you may be saying, that worked some years ago and things are different now.  No, there is nothing new under the sun. In my latest book, Positioned for Purpose, When Boaz Calls I shared statistics that show when couples cohabitate, those who do end up getting married within the first five years, their marriage ends up in divorce.

Today, I want you to make up in your mind.  Do you want a bridal shower or do you just want a baby shower?  Whichever one you want it’s up to you. You can be your own birth control and say from this day forward I’m going to set the bar so I can weed out the men who only want to look at my body parts and not get to know my heart. You can set the bar so that you can attract the right type of men to you.  You have a long list and your list has 50 things on it and guess what, most of the things on your list , you don’t even embody those characteristics.

You’ve got to come to a place where you say I’m going to be my own birth control and I’m going to have a bridal shower before I have a baby shower.  If you’re going to do it God’s way you might as well do it all the way. I’m not talking from hearsay, I’m telling you what I went through that caused me to write Soul Ties, Unchain My Heart and then When Death Comes. I speak from experience. I’m not speaking from something somebody told me and that’s why I was able to sit down and pen that book, Positioned for Purpose, When Boaz Calls.  I was in position when my husband walked into the study lounge, not the bar. I was in position.  I had made up my mind that I was going to be my own birth control.  I would not have a baby shower before I had a bridal shower.  Been there done that, wrote the book.
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That’s why I’m here.  That’s what’s different about me and all these other relationship experts.  I’ve been successfully married to the same man for 29 years.  Our marriage is not surviving, it’s thriving.  He does not compete with me, he pushes me to be the best person I can be.  I don’t have to stumble over him.  When God is in that thing.

Before you can get what God has for you you’ve got to be unchained from your old way of thinking.  Your old way of thinking is what’s keeping you sinking and having baby showers instead of bridal showers. I’m only talking to women who want to get positioned for purpose.  I’m not talking to women who are content with the way they’ve been doing things.  I’m talking to women who want to be challenged.  I’m talking to women who want to be pushed.  I’m talking to women who want to be held accountable I came to talk to you about being your own birth control. If you’re tired of having baby showers and you’re ready for a bridal shower, then I want you to pick up my book Positioned for Purpose, When Boaz Calls and join me for an 8-week book study as we go through the study guide that goes along with the book.

I’m not speaking to women who are content with their raggedy situation.  I’m talking to some woman out there who wants to be in position for the right man because he is out there. The word says, the steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord.  You are worth everything that you are waiting for. You are worth everything you are believing God for.  The only thing between a woman who keeps having baby showers and a woman who has a bridal shower is her thought process.  You can be your own birth control.  When you make up in your mind. I’m going to set the standard and I’m going to stick to it.

A 38 year old woman who read my book said, “Patricia, it seems like I’m too old to be learning this stuff.” But that’s what the enemy wants.  He wants you to keep going in a circle.  A circle of unbelief and a circle of doubt, so you can keep meeting the same type of men.  But what has to happen is your thought process has to change. When you become a different type of woman, I promise you will start attracting a different type of man.

Join me on my mission of reaching one million women as I endeavor to inspire, inform, and impact the lives of women who desire to have a Godly relationship built on the principles in God’s word. Do me a favor, leave a comment and then share this blog with a friend.
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Dr. Patricia Shaw, Certified Professional Coach
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Dr. Patricia Shaw, Certified Professional Coach

Teaching women who struggle to move forward in life and love how to go from burn out and overwhelm to living a liberated life. Overflowing with confidence, beaming with clarity, grounded in a committment to who they are.

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