Before I met and married my husband I was in an ungodly relationship with a man who I was not married too but doing what married people do. That experience caused me to write my book Soul Ties, Unchain My Heart. In this book I tell a story about a woman named Teresa and what she went through in the uncommitted relationship she was in. In order for me to break free of that ungodly relationship I had to come to a place where I allowed death to come to that relationship.
When you become committed to yourself you begin to weed out men who come to prey on you and not pray with you. When you raise your standards and set the bar then you begin to attract a different type of man because you’ve become a different type of woman. I shared this with the young women I spoke to this weekend and we began talking about how broken mothers raise broken daughters. What makes me so different from other relationship experts and coaches is I have been married to the same man for 29 years.
Why did I throw birth control in? You don’t even have to be on birth control. One of the young women in the group asked me why I didn’t move in with my husband before we got married. I told her because I didn’t want to. First of all, my mother would have had a fit and his mother too and not only that we respected each other. Steve Harvey says he tells his daughter’s they can give a man a glimpse of what he will get and that’s what I gave my husband, a glimpse of what he was getting after marriage. I didn’t have to give him everything. Do you understand?
If a man is not willing to commit to you with a ring then why would you commit to having his child? Baby shower and then the bridal shower maybe. Let’s reverse this thing and start having bridal showers and then a baby shower, but that can only happen when you have birth control. Birth control allows you to birth your purpose before you allow someone else into your space. I birthed some of my purpose before my husband came along so there was no need for birth control. I had already experienced being in an uncommitted, ungodly relationship so why would I take myself through that again?
The birth control is your mind. Where is your thought process? You do not have to be part of the 44% of women who have a baby with a man before they get that ring. You get the ding ding but not the ring ring. You’ve had the baby shower. How do we get your mind to thinking, now, I’m ready for the bridal shower? Until the bridal shower comes I’m going to be my own birth control. I’m going to reset my thinking so I can think the way God wants me to think. Until you believe in your mind that you are fearfully and wonderfully made you will continue having baby showers and not a bridal shower.
Today, I want you to make up in your mind. Do you want a bridal shower or do you just want a baby shower? Whichever one you want it’s up to you. You can be your own birth control and say from this day forward I’m going to set the bar so I can weed out the men who only want to look at my body parts and not get to know my heart. You can set the bar so that you can attract the right type of men to you. You have a long list and your list has 50 things on it and guess what, most of the things on your list , you don’t even embody those characteristics.
Before you can get what God has for you you’ve got to be unchained from your old way of thinking. Your old way of thinking is what’s keeping you sinking and having baby showers instead of bridal showers. I’m only talking to women who want to get positioned for purpose. I’m not talking to women who are content with the way they’ve been doing things. I’m talking to women who want to be challenged. I’m talking to women who want to be pushed. I’m talking to women who want to be held accountable I came to talk to you about being your own birth control. If you’re tired of having baby showers and you’re ready for a bridal shower, then I want you to pick up my book Positioned for Purpose, When Boaz Calls and join me for an 8-week book study as we go through the study guide that goes along with the book.
A 38 year old woman who read my book said, “Patricia, it seems like I’m too old to be learning this stuff.” But that’s what the enemy wants. He wants you to keep going in a circle. A circle of unbelief and a circle of doubt, so you can keep meeting the same type of men. But what has to happen is your thought process has to change. When you become a different type of woman, I promise you will start attracting a different type of man.
Dr. Patricia Shaw, Certified Professional Coach
Teaching women who struggle to move forward in life and love how to go from burn out and overwhelm to living a liberated life. Overflowing with confidence, beaming with clarity, grounded in a committment to who they are.