He Had Me At Hello
“How did I get here? Why can’t I shake this man? He treats me like less than a person, but I keep going back to him. Those are the words I repeated in my head over the course of our relationship. What started as a childlike love affair ended as a tumultuous tornado.
It was fall of 1989, my junior year of college; the boys’ basketball team was playing our rival school. It was a typical Friday night filled with fun and adventure, but I knew something was different about this Friday, I could just feel it in the atmosphere. I had on my favorite pair of Levi jeans, a red top, and my brown penny loafers. I always dressed to impress, but I was in rare form that Friday night, the Friday that would forever be embedded in my head. The Friday that made me wish I were dead.
With so much excitement in the air, you wouldn’t think I’d have noticed this stranger staring at me, but I was hypnotized, nearly mesmerized by his golden brown eyes. Why was I so caught up in this stranger? Something happened to me when he caught my eye; a chill went up and down my spine. Was that supposed to happen? His eyes found mine in a crowded place, but only we occupied that space. As he walked across the floor I could no longer hear the noise in anticipation that he was headed my way. My heart was racing – What is this I’m feeling? He is cute, I kept saying. He moved in close to me, closer than I’ve ever allowed any man to be, but I didn’t mind. It was different, and he intrigued me.”
That is a snippet from my book, Soul Ties, Unchain My Heart, you can read it here: Soul Ties, Unchain My Heart
According to U.S. Census Bureau,3 out of about 12 million single parent families in 2016, the vast majority — more than 80% were headed by single mothers. Today 1 in 4 children under the age of 18 — a total of about 17.2 million — are being raised without a father4 and almost half 40% live below the poverty line.5 For those living with father only, about 22% live in poverty. In contrast, among children living with both parents, only 11% are counted as poor.
Captured But Not Caught
Many relationships in society are formed out of lust because many times we get to know a man’s body parts before getting to know his heart. What exactly is lust? According to the dictionary, lust is defined as intense sexual desire or appetite; uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or appetite; a passionate or overmastering desire or craving. Have you ever lusted for someone and thought it was love? If truth be told, many of us have but are too afraid to admit it.
In my bestselling book, Soul Ties, Unchain My Heart, I tell a story about a woman who meets a man and she’s captivated by his outer appearance. Lust captivates the mind while love captures the heart.
“With so much excitement in the air you wouldn’t think I’d have noticed this stranger staring at me, but I was hypnotized, nearly mesmerized by his golden-brown eyes.”
What caught her attention? The color of his eyes because at this point she hadn’t even spoken to him.
Just One Look
Lust captivated my eyes and I was drawn to what I saw because I knew nothing about this man. I was only looking at his outward appearance and something on the inside started happening.
1 John 2:16-17 says, “For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father but are from this world. And this world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever.”
In order to have a happy and healthy relationship as women, we must be able to recognize our feelings about the person we’re in a relationship with. In the book, Teresa did not recognize how Eric was making her feel. In a crowded room, without saying one word to her, he caught her eye and he had her at hello.
As women, when we learn to set boundaries, meaning, you are able to take a step backward and look at him for who he is, then you can make wise decisions. Many times, as women, we make decisions out of desperation instead of inspiration with little information.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please do me a favor and share this with someone you love and leave a comment.
Patricia Shaw, Certified Professional Lifestyle Coach,